Pain....

Things don’t seem to be work out rigth lately..everything just don’t feel right.i am now tired.The calling and vision that God gave me started to become blur..i can’t see them now..kinda afraid.

And missed that so much the same time.Feel like i stop to practice my spiritual gift..is like everything stopped functioning..I wanted to do it but feel so heavy even to take a step..I keep on asking myself asking why why why? why this happen to me?I never give up on things tat i'm doing, just that i had put myself fully in to things but ..faded up..
I feel so hard to have that faith to continue on. Maybe i need a rest…I keep on miss home, keep on wanna go back home, i wanna have a holiday break, i wanna go overseas to have holiday...

I believe God never let me bear burden that over my strength. ALot ppl told me tat He still loves me, He still dere with me. But wat I feel now, I cant feel him like last time, My spiritual life has fall down…Miss Him so much yet feel so far..I know i have no time to waste,But i really feel so lost..

Now my cg i really dunno i really dunno what is happenning now, so many different things, things changed in a sudden. Uni Cg or Py cg which one?? which one?? which one m i goin to choose??? I dunno what m i suppose to do... I don wan to do things half way....I'm scared ! I'm scared i cant pass up anything went judgement! I'm scared of the Judgement God!!!

I dunno what m i suppose to do anymore!! This is not i wanna be, i wanna change myself, change to a new me, i wanna hit my cg target. Seriously, i keep on praying God would change me alwayss.. change to a new me -n- a better me....

It have been months, i feel that until now i still not yet recover.... at least i noe i'm cold now.. God i really need ur help -n- strength to raise me up. Change me ! change me! I give my whole heart to u, Give me my uni! Give me my uni! this is my prayer to u.